A Very Disney-Driven Triple Bypass

I was raised by parents who embodied an approach toward life that can best be summarized as “experiences” versus “stuff.” Born in 1963, I came of age in the 60s and 70s, and attended university for most of the 80s. Metaphorically, this means I rode the wave from Pong to digital streaming, and experienced the unbridled consumerism of the 80s in whose aftermath we still live!

My point is this: counter to the way my parents raised me, most of my cultural experience was hyper-focused on “stuff” versus “experiences.” So, my parents were the proverbial salmon swimming upstream as they tried to raise me, my older brother and younger sister because they put a premium on enrichment activities and experiences.

In practical terms, it was not uncommon that our Christmas presents were memberships to museums, art institutes, and aquariums and our birthday presents tended to be theatre or concert tickets. Family vacations had themes that included an East coast vacation focusing on the founding of the United States and civics. There was a West coast vacation focused on the California Gold Rush, influence of Spanish missions, and the birth of Hollywood and the American cinema culture. Of course, we experienced a Great Plains vacation that encompassed the implications of westward expansion along with visiting several national parks like Yellowstone, Estes, and Grand Teton.

Experiences and enrichment activities versus stuff. That was how I was raised.

Common identity is forged by common experiences. I believe this is the reason that our family is, and has remained, close throughout the years – and this despite significant differences of personality and perspectives. The weight of these common experiences forged a strong, loyal, family identity. So, it might be true that one of our uncles is crazy, but he’s OUR crazy uncle! And let’s be clear, the good Lord gave ME a sister SO THAT I can make fun of her, not you! In fact, if you make fun of her, you’re going to have a real problem because me and 30 other relatives will always circle the proverbial wagons for “one of our own.”

As my siblings and I got older, the ability to coordinate family vacations – let alone agree where to go and what to do – became increasingly difficult. So, in the mid-90s my parents were one of the first families to purchase Disney Vacation Club points, Walt Disney’s timeshare concept. At my parents’ request – though we knew we couldn’t refuse – all of us agreed that every other year, we as a family would converge in Orlando and go to Walt Disney World for a week so that we could be together, laugh a lot, and savor our common experience.

My siblings and I eventually met and married our spouses, and the tradition continued. It was during these times – within the “magic bubble” of Disney – that they heard and learned the stories of our family, gaining insight into the clan into which they married and unconsciously adding more layers of richness and depth to the common experience and story.

When we all began having children, my parents exercised their “grandparent prerogative” and began a “spin-off” tradition whereby when each grandchild turned five years old, grandma and grandpa would take them to Disney for a week – just the three of them! To this day, my two daughters fondly remember their respective trips and they will tell you that it was the start of a unique relationship between them and “gram and grandpa,” a unique bond that persists to this day, even after my father’s death over a year ago.

This past October 31^st – yes, on Halloween – I underwent a surprise triple bypass surgery. It understandably raised the reality of mortality for me, my wife, and our children. In fact, two nights before the surgery, I made it a point to meet with each of my daughters one-on-one to simply talk. I shared with them that, while I had every intention of pulling through the surgery, we were not going to leave anything unsaid to one another. In those intimate conversations I shared what it is about each of them that makes them the unique and beautiful people they are, and how proud I was of the accomplishments that they have already achieved in their young lives. I assured them of my deep and abiding love and shared a few of the most critical “life lessons” I had learned that I wanted them to pursue throughout their lives. Finally, I told them how rich the tapestry of our family story has become now that they and our granddaughter are part of it, and that — no matter what happened — they should continue to pursue enrichment activities and experiences together versus just accumulating “stuff.”

Amidst anxious tears and reassuring laughter, both of my daughters made it clear that I need to make it through the surgery because in two years, when our granddaughter turns five, she will be expecting her trip with her grandparents to Disney and it would be selfish of me to deprive her of that sacred tradition – not to mention all the other Disney-driven experiences that we as a broader family were expecting in the years to come!  In other words, they were expressing their desire that our granddaughter would enjoy a unique relationship with her “Gampa” and “Gamma” too!

According to my daughters, If I’m not around who would lead the charge to ride as many roller coasters and thrill rides in a single day as possible? Who would insist we all need to have a Mickey ice cream bar right before dinner? Who would tease those who were too afraid to ride the Tower of Terror? Who would remind everyone that “It’s a Small World” was grandpa’s favorite ride and lead the family in shamelessly singing along? Who would make sure we all sat around the pool playing games, laughing together, sharing stories, and wiping tears as we shared memories of family members that are no longer with us?

So, I resolved to, as much as it was within my power – let’s be honest, most of the power was with the surgeon, not me – to not miss out on helping write the next few chapters of those family Disney experiences. This surgery was going to go well so that I would be around to continue to forge memories as a family, and, perhaps more importantly, forge new memories and a unique relationship with our granddaughter.

In other words, this was to be a very Disney-driven triple bypass!

I am happy to say that the surgery went as perfectly as possible! As I write this piece, I’m nine weeks down the road to recovery AND we’ve already booked two trips in 2024 to Disney, including one that will bring our whole family together in the Magic Kingdom over Thanksgiving!

Experiences and enrichment activities versus stuff!

Say what you will about the “Mouse House,” but in an age when hyper-individualism and virtual[1] reality breeds an isolating and false sense of entitlement, common experiences and enrichment activities is the way we have found, and continue to find, connects us to others in meaningful ways.

This Disney-driven bypass only confirms the truth of what my parents modeled and instilled in us; and what my wife and I will endeavor to model and instill in our children and grandchildren!

Thanks mom and dad for swimming against the tide!

Your legacy and the family traditions live!

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_{[1] Virtual means almost, but not really! So virtual reality is almost real, but not really reality!}